nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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