There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
