All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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