The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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