Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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