She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
