My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
pop tarts are not kleenex
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
