I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
