someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
