Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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