he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
