i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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