there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
