Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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