Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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