1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
