I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
