My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
