Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
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Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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