fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
