why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
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Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
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Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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