You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Every concussion has its silver lining
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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