Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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