So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
