We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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