Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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