My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
