see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
