We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
