He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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