I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
