Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
