i already hear my dad disowning me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
