maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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