He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
