Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
