I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
