We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
