at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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