y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
