hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
