Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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