I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
