She announced her abortion via fbk
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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