Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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