dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
