at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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