I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
