New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
