Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
