All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i think im in europe. pls send help
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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