I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
