Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
