Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
