You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
