I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
