I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
time to smoke my breakfast
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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