So drunk its hurt
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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