She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
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We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
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YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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