I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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