i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
