her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
