turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
