any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
