Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
