So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
