Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
