I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
