I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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